Saturday, November 26, 2011

Allowing yourself to let go

Thanksgiving just ended. Was heckit but do-able. Work alway seams to interfear. As I thought about the past and my sisters I realized Diane will never feel sorry for hurting me. It has been years and as usual I am the only one hurt. She has happily moved on, while I am still hurt.

While talking to my older sister I found out my lil sister is going in for surgery, Like I had years back. (the reason for the seperation, I was in having surgery and Di was passing the hospital and never stopped to check on me.) She was right there. Nothing will change, nothing can it happened. There is only me and what I choose to do now.............

I told my sister I will be there if I know when.......... a dead silence. Then..... "I though you were mad at her?" I though for a moment...... not mad ... not at first....... I was hurt, so very hurt. Later came mad. Now I am back to hurt that she cared so little. But she did. Now it is decision time. Continue as I have or let go.

So now I will retract the cords that allowed me to hold on to that very hurtful time and allow my mind and body to heal. And heal I must, for without it, it will continue to eat away at me and my health. So I did. Lets see what tomorrow brings. I so miss the connections I had as a child with family. It is time to regain them.

I allow others to make bad choices and love them anyway.... why not Di? I was wrong for doing that. We can not change others, just our selves and the way we react towards what we are dealt.

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