Sunday, May 20, 2012

Letting Go: How to leave an abusive relationship.

Letting Go: How to leave an abusive relationship.

Although many have written on this subject, there is usually one flaw in their words, They have never been in that situation, therefore have no idea what is really about to happen to you. I do. I have been in abusive relationships and have had friends in them as well. I prayed for a how to manual when my sisters ex-husband's sister died while trying to leave her abusive husband. I won't want to frighten you but I lost a friend and her two children that day.

So things are at a point where your done with the relationship. He has either hurt your child or really hurt you. Everyone is telling you "Get out - you will be a lot better." Maybe you have put it off but it's gotten to a point where you just can't any longer. I don't want to scare you but more woman die trying to leave than at any other time. And most of them had restraining orders in place.

1. Be smart, Prepare ahead, don't tell anyone. No not anyone. Why not you ask? Simple, others can betray you thinking they are helping. A tiny slip can mean disaster. One friends mother told her husband she was leaving him, she was at work, she was beaten to near death when she got home. Another friends, best friend told her husband, he in turn told her husband. Play it smart, trust no one. Save money if you can. Contact a woman's shelter if needed. Move away if possible.

2. Document everything, every scratch and threat. but do it sensibly. Go to the police station, Do not call them to your house. If your husband knows any officers don't go that route. They will tell him. Instead, send documentation to a woman at work. Send by mail. Have her leave them sealed until you need them for a restraining order. And take pictures. In the documentation state why you didn't go to the police. All this will help your case later.

3. Get You ducks in a row. OK! He leaves at this time and will be gone until this time. But don't trust it. Most likely he has sensed something is a miss and today he will change his pattern. Plan on it. Have a friend watching to make sure he remains where he should. Have them call if he leaves. Tell them you are planning a surprise...... You are you know! Be prepared for that call if it happens, back track fast. If not and everything is a go. Get in and out fast.

4. Travel light. Travel fast. Bring only the necessities. a couple of pairs of cloths, and what is needed for the kids. The rest isn't worth your life. You can make plans to have someone not acquainted with either of you retrieve things later. That is unless he does what mine did, burn everything on our front lawn. I got out with my two kids in pj's and two pillows, a blanket and the cloths on my back. But I got out alive.

5. Get help. Now that you are out it is time to solicit help, from police, family, people he never met (co-workers or friends of friends). Know who to ask, and until you are sure they are behind you don't offer info. Get restraining orders. But note, they only stop those who are law biding. Most likely he will break the order. But if he does it enough and you are still alive at some point they will arrest him.

6. Change locations. Follow the advice given to "AA" members. Change your people you associate with, place's you go, and things you do. Change schools for the kids and let them know he is being restrained from seeing them so the school won't release them to him. Make sure your children are aware not to contact him. A lonely child might do that.

7. Watch your back. It is never really over. He may come for you in a day, a week, or a year but he will come. You are not safe until he has someone else on his string. Maybe not even then. I had a man who I dated two weeks, show us in my back yard 3 years later and peered in my windows. Then 4 years after that he found me in Florida. I had met him in Michigan and had no contact with him or anyone we both knew. My point is he will find you if he wants to. Stay on guard.

If you follow these steps you have a good chance. Remember it wasn't your fault and he will not change, so do not go back under any circumstances. That's the most likely time for him to get even and kill you. Once you're gone stay gone and Good Luck!

By Karlyn Rayne


family ties

"Family", Wikipedia says is (from Latin: familiare) is a group of people affiliated by consanguinity, affinity, or co-residence. To some it is genetics, blood ties, generation after generation of relatives. To me that is the meaning of a relative. Family can be that but also much more.

As the years roll by we accumulate friends, get married, divorced, adopt, have kids, loose family members, find pets. These people come and go in our lives. But there are a select few that for what ever reason, we keep in our hearts. This is the true meaning of family. Those we hold within our hearts. Those who teach us who we are. For me there are few, the elite of my surroundings. Not all are genetic family and not all are living. Family is a group of people from which we learn as well as teach.

My parents are gone but never forgotten. They are my roots. My mother, a woman ahead of her time, yet also timelessly stuck in the past. So smart, knowing things that few dream of knowing. She taught me of the universe, souls, spirits, and entities. She gave me my love of fire. My father, worked in a car factory he taught me, we ourselves are the only ones we can count on. That life is meaningless if we are not passionate about something. Anything. Together they taught me that life is a gift, but a temporary one. Everything changes.

My Sister (One of three) the oldest in our family. She is my rock, my sounding board. As a child, she was the one who cared for me most. As the years went by she allowed me to take steps, fall, and pick myself up. But she was always there in case I needed help. She still is there even though we are now wives, mothers, and aging fast.

My youngest Daughter, The connection to her is so strong. She is my inspiration. She wills things and they are done. "No", isn't amongst her vocabulary! She has no concept of things being beyond her grasp. She pushes through odds that would topple God himself and shovels right on as though it was just a momentary bad day.

My husband. An Activist in the war of life and it's survival. The soul mate of which dreams are made of. He is the incarnation of all my past prayers of a perfect man. And the connection is a blending of souls into one united force. Our lives before we met were not easy. Since we met they have been just as hard. The difference lies within our souls. The uniting force of love to overcome anything while also sending into the world a message of hope to others.

My companion, Raptor. She is at present about my age, a little sensitive, but a true friend. She is a Siberian Husky. But her species aside, she is an extension of myself. We share everything, talks, moods, quiet times of reflection, and loving caresses. We feel each others pain, there is no need to call the others name.... we know. She is beside me, never leaving my side if I hurt. I will do the same should that need arise. She teaches me unyielding devotion, love and patience. She is in, my books, the incarnation of Christ consciousness

From there my family extends outward to others, although not all family within the traditional context, they reside within my heart. Two cousins, a group of three furry grand kids, Cody-lu. Demon and and now little Bella, and three friends from my past Martha, Mae and Petra. They taught me the meaning of friendship and allowing others into that unit with out jealousy. We were "The Sex in the City" equivalent. They still reside within my heart although many miles forced us apart. And two from my circle, Robin and Linda. I am also apart from them as the miles have pushed me in another direction. They were my coming of age within my own creative abilities, as I came out of what Pagans call the "broom closet". It is when you admit to your beliefs and stand proud. Allowing others to see you for who you really are. And two ex's as they are battling cancer. They are all residing within my heart and therefor my family.

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A Quote by someone not living with the moment

If you're always racing to the next moment, what happens to the one you're in? .....Enjoy the ride.

~~~Author Unknown

Think about it. We as a race of animals are forever pushing forward, faster and faster. Trying to get.....where? Who knows, who really cares? So what happens if we suddenly stop and live in the moment???????


You suddenly become a part of it, basking within its glory. Living life within the moment - each moment - every moment allows you the time to enjoy life and change what we do not. Each memory will be cherished, or left behind as fast as it starts. Because living within the moment is too hard to do if it is a bad place you are in. So you must change it then ....not when you get time but right then. You suddenly accept responsibility for yourself and your actions.

I invite you to sit back, relax and live within the moment. Cherish your time with loved ones, friends and family because tomorrow may just bring an ending instead of a possible beginning. You may feel you have time but the number one thought going through a dieing persons head is regret. Regret that they didn't spend more time doing something or being with someone.

Live each moment as it it is your last.
Follow your dreams it is never to late.
Give hugs and kisses freely.
And forgive immediately.

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

With every new thing some old ends

With every new thing  some thing old ends. This is a statement that us factual, although sometimes not appreciated.

This week my father-in-law passed from this life into the next. He passed quietly but with a lot of emotions. In  the end he was unable to speak. This was a back step, but  he understood his family and they understood what he had wanted to say. He left behind a wife and three adult kids. My husband being the eldest. This is a sad and yet empowering time for all involved. This was out families loss.

From that we took with us memories and love of family and hopefully a tolerance of family members. In crisis everyone acts differently.

Our blessing this month are My daughter is getting married and her wedding shower is now something we can put behind us.

I also sent my first book to print. A novel. I hope some of you get to see it. It will be out and ready to buy in about two months.

My husband has caught up on his endeavors.

My daughter is wading through the tape of getting married. The wedding is June 16th

A 200 guest wedding and I am making my first wedding cake. A white frosting with black flowers and bows along with pink flowers. On the top will be the nightmare before Xmas couple and at the bottom will be the doggy

This is our slow month.