Sunday, May 20, 2012

Letting Go: How to leave an abusive relationship.

Letting Go: How to leave an abusive relationship.

Although many have written on this subject, there is usually one flaw in their words, They have never been in that situation, therefore have no idea what is really about to happen to you. I do. I have been in abusive relationships and have had friends in them as well. I prayed for a how to manual when my sisters ex-husband's sister died while trying to leave her abusive husband. I won't want to frighten you but I lost a friend and her two children that day.

So things are at a point where your done with the relationship. He has either hurt your child or really hurt you. Everyone is telling you "Get out - you will be a lot better." Maybe you have put it off but it's gotten to a point where you just can't any longer. I don't want to scare you but more woman die trying to leave than at any other time. And most of them had restraining orders in place.

1. Be smart, Prepare ahead, don't tell anyone. No not anyone. Why not you ask? Simple, others can betray you thinking they are helping. A tiny slip can mean disaster. One friends mother told her husband she was leaving him, she was at work, she was beaten to near death when she got home. Another friends, best friend told her husband, he in turn told her husband. Play it smart, trust no one. Save money if you can. Contact a woman's shelter if needed. Move away if possible.

2. Document everything, every scratch and threat. but do it sensibly. Go to the police station, Do not call them to your house. If your husband knows any officers don't go that route. They will tell him. Instead, send documentation to a woman at work. Send by mail. Have her leave them sealed until you need them for a restraining order. And take pictures. In the documentation state why you didn't go to the police. All this will help your case later.

3. Get You ducks in a row. OK! He leaves at this time and will be gone until this time. But don't trust it. Most likely he has sensed something is a miss and today he will change his pattern. Plan on it. Have a friend watching to make sure he remains where he should. Have them call if he leaves. Tell them you are planning a surprise...... You are you know! Be prepared for that call if it happens, back track fast. If not and everything is a go. Get in and out fast.

4. Travel light. Travel fast. Bring only the necessities. a couple of pairs of cloths, and what is needed for the kids. The rest isn't worth your life. You can make plans to have someone not acquainted with either of you retrieve things later. That is unless he does what mine did, burn everything on our front lawn. I got out with my two kids in pj's and two pillows, a blanket and the cloths on my back. But I got out alive.

5. Get help. Now that you are out it is time to solicit help, from police, family, people he never met (co-workers or friends of friends). Know who to ask, and until you are sure they are behind you don't offer info. Get restraining orders. But note, they only stop those who are law biding. Most likely he will break the order. But if he does it enough and you are still alive at some point they will arrest him.

6. Change locations. Follow the advice given to "AA" members. Change your people you associate with, place's you go, and things you do. Change schools for the kids and let them know he is being restrained from seeing them so the school won't release them to him. Make sure your children are aware not to contact him. A lonely child might do that.

7. Watch your back. It is never really over. He may come for you in a day, a week, or a year but he will come. You are not safe until he has someone else on his string. Maybe not even then. I had a man who I dated two weeks, show us in my back yard 3 years later and peered in my windows. Then 4 years after that he found me in Florida. I had met him in Michigan and had no contact with him or anyone we both knew. My point is he will find you if he wants to. Stay on guard.

If you follow these steps you have a good chance. Remember it wasn't your fault and he will not change, so do not go back under any circumstances. That's the most likely time for him to get even and kill you. Once you're gone stay gone and Good Luck!

By Karlyn Rayne


No comments:

Post a Comment